I wanna undo it....

...or who's that fox in the mirror?

When was the last time you took a good look in the mirror? When was the last time you really truly looked at yourself naked?

Bet it's been awhile.

I've had a long, tiring battle with my body. Ever since I was little and rail thin I had body hate. I never saw myself as pretty. I didn't think I was a pretty pretty princess. As I got older, and the people around me got meaner, I started to accept their name calling and mean mentality as fact. I had no love for myself.

As I reached adulthood, I had no confidence. I considered myself ugly and sullen. I quit taking care of myself. I was frumpy and considered myself undesireable.

I never took the time to find out who I was, I never took the time to step back and look in the mirror. Then I reached my 20's and I was getting sick of always only being "cute". I wanted to be "beautiful", not "pretty", or "cute", BEAUTIFUL. I soon learned to read between the lines. Cute meant I wasn't good enough and pretty meant that they were desperate. I'm sorry but in my experience, it always turned out that way.

All my relationships were plagued because when they did compliment me. I didn't see it. I had no faith in myself. I had no self confidence.

Now here I am one marriage and four adult relationships later and where am I?

I wanna undo it.

I want the reset button hit so that's exactly what I'm gonna do. Reset the game.

At 26, there isn't a damn thing wrong with me. I love my body. I love every inch of fat, every curve, every inch of supple soft skin. I love the way my ass shakes and my boobs bounce. I love my thick thighs and my chubby cherub face.

I love my giggle and my infectious laugh. I love my bright eyes and my nose when it wrinkles. I love my curly dark hair and my crooked smile. I love my funky toes and my weird ears. I love me.

I love everything about me and nobody is gonna tell me any different.

I need someone that's gonna love my body as much as I do and I need friends in my life who love themselves, in a good way.

I'm done with the doom and gloom, I'm sick of the whine and mope. I need to clear the cobwebs off my make up and match up my wardrobe. I need to clean the clutter out of my life and I need to start being me. I need to get back to basics.

No more letting people put me down, no more settling for less. No more pity, no more favors, it's time to get real. I need a real love, real friends, a real life, because up until this summer, my life and myself were a real mess. I've been through hell, it's time for the rainbows and the happy bunnies. 






Now I only have myself to blame
For falling for your stupid games
I wish my life could be
The way it was before I saw your face