It's a liberty walk....

or.... what one summer of hardship, a 27th birthday, and long look in the mirror taught me.


Well I'm back! I took the summer off from blogging because honestly, my mind was elsewhere. Mind you I got in touch with my inner columnist by beginning to see things in a different perspective and wanting to blog about them.


I took the summer to really just put things into perspective and finally have some conversations with myself. I'm happy to report that myself listened and we're on the same wave length now.




So what exactly is my liberty walk? My walking away from the world.




So what is MY liberty? Freedom from the world. The ways of the world, the expectations of the world, the wants, needs and desires of the world. To live as I believe, to worship as I wish. Freedom from archaic labels and sub cultures. 




When I made the decision to return to Christianity, I had no idea it would be so hard! I spent a majority of my life just doing what I wanted, when I wanted, with absolute abandonment of the right and wrong, the people in my lives, and sometimes, even my own well being. 




I had to make some absolute life changes and some have been harder then others. Like, I could quit the cursing easy. And things like smoking and drinking were a piece of cake to ditch. The hard exposition? Sexual Immorality. It's all around you! And this past year I've been faced with situation, after situation, of guys who just don't "get it" when I simply say that I'm not interested. I have a clear vision in my mind, with the help of the good book, of the type of man I want and need in my life, and sexual escapades is pretty far down on that list. I even had a friend remark to me, after I declared my abstinence promise to myself, that "how can you expect a guy to buy the car without taking it for a test drive". What!? Are you kidding me?!




Sorry pal, but I consider my body to be a pristine condition 67 mustang, and that's just something you don't need to test drive first, you just KNOW it's worth the investment. 




It isn't just the sexual immorality that I've taken my liberty freedom from. It's the toxic and poisonous people in my life. It's the internet addiction. The materialism. The abuse of the earth. I decided to embrace the things, that made me who I was. My uniqueness, my bad habits, my wide eyed perception of the world. I took all who I was, and all who I am, kept the good, worked on the bad, and combined it all. 




I lived a huge lie. A literal lie. I hated who I was, so I created some fabulous lie to mask the "lame" parts of me. This summer, I embraced those lame parts. Now I am still lame, but I love myself. Simple things like, bird watching, growing my own foods, watching my sun flowers sky rocket past the gutters, watching the animals in the back yard. Things like, spending time with my mother, making plans for my grant check, getting house projects ready for when the heat died down. Even something as small as enjoying cleaning out clutter. 




I traded numerous amounts of fantasy wrestling sites, for digital scrap booking, teaching myself photography, making plans with my dad for the shooting range. I traded too many repetitive face book games, for card games with my mom, or watching old westerns on T.V. I traded raunchy, explicit music, for something more meaningful, something more in tune with my new life. 




And you know what?




I don't miss any of it. If anything, alot of that stuff was a hinderance. The roleplaying became time consuming, the music was getting obnoxious, the face book games were getting stressful. I was consuming myself with, well, clutter! And it wasn't just the physical stuff. It was internal, mental and emotional clutter, that was making me miserable. I was holding on to a lot of hurt, anger, frustration. Things that went back years. From forgiveness I wish I could give, to forgiveness I wish I could get, to revenge I wish I could have or would have extracted, to irritability over situations that were beyond my human control. 




I realized, through this summer, and all my little personal discoveries, that I didn't really know who I was. Or what I wanted to be. I had lived this vicious, repetitive lie, for so long that I lost sight of, me. Simply put. So I made myself a challenge. To figure out who I am. What I like. Who "me" really is. And then be that woman. So far, I've found that by most peoples standards, I'm lame, boring, and a square, and ya know what? I'm okay with that. I have an old wise soul, and I love that about myself. I embrace that. 




Granted, being beyond my years, makes having conversations with those folks I knew online, difficult. I mean, I may be 27, but most other 27 year olds have no interest in what color I'm painting my living room, or what decor I decided for my bedroom. I blame this on an absence of female friends. And also that I already did that marriage thing. Where as most of the females in my life are doing the mom thing. I mean I did the mom thing, but my kid has angel wings, not cute dresses, or Head Start lol I have nothing to brag about. Can you see the big gap here? 




My solution though, is to start socializing more. To get out in the world, and make some local friends. I've sought out social clubs and organizations that I can join to get out in the world and get out of this funnel I created by using the internet to make friends.




P.S I still love you guys, but you can't come to my parties! ;)




I honestly feel like my decision to do a liberty walk away from the world, has lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. Not just because I let go of all the bad things, but because I'm not afraid to say "yeah I'm a Christian, I believe in God, I believe in right and wrong, so what?". It isn't just my religion that I've come to terms with, it's the image in the mirror, but that's being saved for another post. Which should be sometime next week. Promise!




I think in everyones life, they have staged a liberty walk from something, or even someone. So I wanted to throw this out there to those of you who read this blog, what has been a liberty walk in your life? And how are you now that you have made it? I'm looking forward to at least a few replies!




xoxo